RAMBLINGS FROM DARES

(this month Alexia!)

WHAT DARES MEANS TO ME: WHERE DO I EVEN START?

Let’s rewind to April 2019. I’d just met Piers (who I’ll truly forever be grateful to), and soon after, I visited DARES for the first time. Right away, something about this place felt different - not just another dot on the Edenbridge map, but something truly special.

A lot has happened since that first visit: COVID, burnouts, arrests, various jobs, too many useless and evil-to-the-bone Prime Ministers, the rise of fascism, lots of “first times” and far too many “last times” when it comes to my children, a ridiculous amount of drama, new friendships beginning, old ones crumbling… but through it all, DARES has remained a constant in my life.

By December 2022, after realizing that the “typical”, the nuclear family, mortgage we couldn’t afford, full-time jobs that swallowed our time, just wasn’t working, we made a bold choice.
DARES became our home, our chosen family, our sanctuary, the village where we’re raising our kids.

​
Now, I’m not here to paint a Pinterest-perfect picture. It hasn’t been easy. Alongside the joy, there have been conflicts, tears, and tough moments.
But slowly, DARES became my safe space. The place where I started healing, not just for my children but for the little Alexia inside me, the one who felt unlovable and never enough, the place where I stopped hiding my neurodivergence and started owning it with pride. Sure, I get wildly excited about new projects and might not finish all of them. But that’s okay! That “95% done” is proof I showed up and gave it my time. Maybe I’ll finish it someday - and if not, maybe it’ll inspire someone else to try.

DARES is also where I learned that sometimes, it’s worth setting aside my first impressions, especially around class (hello, #eattherich) and opening my heart to the person, not the stereotype. And in doing so, I gained a truly amazing “colleague”, someone I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world (you know who you are ❤️).

WHEN RESISTANCE BECOMES HOME

Activism has always been part of my story: raised in council houses by working class fascists, even as a small kid, I knew something didn’t sit right. While other kids were learning to ride bikes, I was quietly plotting my escape from that madness.
​
Having kids changed everything, though. Suddenly, the stakes weren’t just political, they were personal. My activism shifted shape, but it never disappeared. Because once you bring children into this world, you can’t unsee what’s broken. And you can’t not care.
There’s a responsibility to try, for them, and for every single child in the world.

As I mentioned before, Dan and I made a huge decision to leave behind the mortgage/job rat race and try something different. Something rooted in care, purpose, and community. To raise our children in a way that felt healthier, more intentional - and to be part of something bigger than ourselves. That something turned out to be DARES.

For a while, I also tried to convince myself that growing food and holding a space like DARES was “enough activism”. And those things do matter, deeply. But I soon realised that for me, they’re only part of the work, cannot be the whole story.
​
Most people tend to associate a place like DARES to climate activism, food growing, intentional community - but DARES is more than that, it must be.

LET'S THINK FOR A SECOND, WHAT DOES JUSTICE REALLY MEAN?

We can’t talk about communities building AND climate justice without also talking about social justice, racial justice, refugee justice, animal justice, land justice, economic justice. These struggles are deeply connected. We can’t separate them, not in such a fuxed up world crying out for liberation, reparation, and truth.

These are not separate crises. They are symptoms of a global system that thrives on extraction, dehumanization, and disposability. A system that tells us electric cars will save the planet while burying the human cost behind shiny marketing and billionaire greenwashing.

We don’t need electric cars or "green capitalism." We need systemic change. We need liberation. We need revolution. Not more tech solutions for problems caused by the very people selling them.

We need to stop looking up to billionaires, the ones poisoning our planet and funding violence, and start looking after each other.
​

Because real justice means refusing to look away, refusing to stay silent, and building a world where care, community, and collective power come before profit.

Whatever path we take, the work ahead is heavy - but we don’t have to carry it alone.

We need to allow ourselves to take breaks before we burn out.

We can slow down and still be part of the movement. Building resilient, caring communities, grounded in trust and connection is not only necessary; it’s what sustains us.

​
That’s why places like DARES matter and have the duty to be more than a “climate space”. It’s where people from all walks, often unexpectedly, find each other. Where ideas spark, new things begin, rest is honored, and people are free to be their full selves without judgment.

I can’t not mention the immense gratitude I feel for being on the receiving end of DARES care during the first half of this year. After a grueling Crown Court trial and a suspended sentence, I needed space and support - and I got even more than I needed. Hugo and Milly held the fort, and the wider DARES family showed unwavering solidarity. I couldn’t have got through it without you.

But DARES isn’t just us groundskeepers. It’s everyone who steps in, is every seed planted, meal shared, cup of tea poured, child played with, idea added on the ideas board.

Without you, there is no DARES. So thank you. ❤️

WHAT ARE THE LEARNINGS FROM THE GROUND SO FAR

One of the most important things we learnt as a group in the past couple of years is the importance of PEOPLE CARE. People care is everything. It’s a core value:— without it, nothing else holds.

We keep a list of jobs that need doing, updated every few months after a group walk of the site. Some jobs are priorities, some just nice-to-have. No pressure, no obligations - because we know that constant to-do lists can harm us. But ticking a box also feels great, so we make it easy for whoever has energy to jump in without waiting for approval.

The same goes for people passing through - just being is enough.

Trust within the group is key: trusting it’s okay to step back for a bit, trusting the group to understand, and trusting that anyone feels safe to speak up if things become too much.

Another big learning? Honesty matters. Like, really matters. Being upfront about our actual capacity, saying “no” before things get too much, and being able to admit when we’re just not feeling it, it’s not just helpful, it’s essential.

Regular check-ins have become a core part of life as groundskeepers, a safe space to share how we’re doing, ask for help, name tensions. It might sound intense, but it’s something we’ve come to really value. Saying “this is hard” without fear of judgment is powerful, and exercise the "feeling uncomfortable" muscle, that require pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and towards growth.

And of course, our check-in styles are wildly different, which makes it fun! Milly and I? We’ll happily dive into the emotional depths. Dan and Hugo? Total practical legends. Dolly? She floats somewhere perfectly in between, like the wise, fashionable bridge between heart and logistics.

We’ve found that making space for tension, not avoiding it, actually builds more trust. And the more we practice, the more we feel that is okay to feel things, to name them, and to trust each other to hold them gently (or revisit them later over a cuppa).

Now, if you know me, you probably know that this is coming…

THE PATRIARCHY, LAND REDISTRIBUTION, CLASS AND DARES

The patriarchy: this wild and genius system where predominantly white men, through a mysterious blend of fate, tradition, and relentless confidence, keep running the show, making the rules, holding the mic, and confidently mansplaining multitasking to women juggling work, laundry, and childcare, all the while assuring us it’s meritocracy, not convenience, that keeps them on top.

And that brings us to class and land.

For many working-class folks, the chance to learn new skills, carpentry, gardening, even basic DIY, hasn’t been available. Maybe money was tight. Maybe parents were working three jobs. Maybe it was all about survival, not hobbies or “enrichment.” So when we talk about who gets to do what in a community, we have to ask: who had the chance to learn? Who had the tools, the time, the teacher?

That’s where the collective comes in. If we’re serious about equity, then we can’t just say “everyone’s welcome”, we need to actively make space. Skill-sharing. Mentoring. Slowing down so someone else can learn. Offering the spade, not just holding it. Making land, tools, and time accessible to those who’ve never had them. That’s community, not just working with each other, but lifting each other up.

We don’t need perfect people or perfect systems - we just need more people willing to question the defaults, hand over the mic now and then, and maybe learn how to dig and do the dishes. Together.

BEHIND THE SCENES (AND COMPOST HEAPS)

We’ve also removed the horrible HS2-style fence that once cut through our “court growing area”, giving that space back to wildlife. Meanwhile, we focused our growing on the other more accessible areas.

Thanks to dead‑hedging and companion planting, our crops in the designated areas stay safe from deer, without any cold barriers. Isn't amazing what a bit of natural strategy and a spirit of letting go can do 🌿

TREEHOUSE DREAMS UNLOCKED

Thanks to Francis’ detailed designs and Dan’s magical hands, we now have a treehouse in progress (you will need to find it yourself). And yes, it’s going to be the coolest one.
Prepare for heated competition over who gets to sleep there first.

X POLLINATION

As always and with immense gratitude, we had many visitors and groups stopping by, some of whom prefer not to be mentioned (you know who you are - you are amazing ❤️)

AND THAT'S (NEARLY) ENOUGH RUMBLING!

To wrap this up, here is a poem written by Molly ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it ✊

DARES disco - by Molly Jo

Dawn

Bird songs fill the air

Trees jiggle like jelly

As the sun rises the music gets louder

Sunbeams try to fill the shade

Struggling to squeeze in the gaps

Newts rise to meet the sudden sunlight

Baby frogs bravely leap around

Don't care about pathways

They have their own paths
A new day begun

Dusk

Amber lines cross the sky

Whilst red meets the greenery

Yellow breaks the horizon

When ducks interrupt the peace

Silence

A pin drop could be heard

The pool ripples as newts rise

Reeds sway in the breeze

Pool gliders race as if in the Olympics
Another day has gone

Love, solidarity and Free Palestine
Alexia

If you wish to visit or learn more about what we do at DARES, get involved with any project or ask a question, please email oakhavencollective@gmail.com​

​Unsubscribe · Preferences